I am not afraid/I am afraid.

We collect books that tell us what to do because we don't know what to do. We ask our mothers, our grandmothers and our friends what to do because we don't know what to do. And every single source says something different, so what are we supposed to do?

I am not afraid. As infants, my children slept on their stomachs, in my bed, under the covers. I know SIDS exists and is a reality for some, but I am not afraid. I don't strip the crib bare, I don't use humidifiers, de-humidifiers or vaporizers because someone else thinks it may decrease the chance of my children dying of SIDS by 1%. They sleep on their stomachs because that is what's comfortable to them. For me, that is love.

I am not afraid. I feed my children early because they have hearty appetites that aren't quenched simply by milk. I fed Afton peanuts and eggs and seafood before she was even one years old, because I believe if someone is going to be allergic, they will be allergic regardless of when you introduce the food. I also believe that early introduction of different foods has expanded Afton's palette and allows her to not be as picky as other children. She eats everything. Even spicy foods. I feed them because I am not afraid, and because I was fed early and the only things I'm allergic to are pollen and dander. For me, that is love.

I am not afraid. I let my children pick toys up from the ground and put them in their mouths. Same with food. I don't rub every surface with antibacterial products, and I don't slather myself and my children with it either because I am not afraid. I do wash my hands and their hands in regular soap, and I bathe them when they are dirty, but I let them get dirty because to me, it's what they should do. For me, that is love.

I am afraid. I am afraid that if I yell at my children too loudly, or even at all in public, someone may report me as a child abuser. I don't tell people that I stopped breastfeeding at six weeks because I don't want to see the eyes that say I didn't try hard enough as a mother and I don't talk about using whiskey on my teething children because I don't want someone thinking I'm an alcoholic child abuser. I keep everything to myself because people are uptight and afraid of everything, because they want to protect their children from everything and I want to expose them to everything. I keep it all to myself because I am afraid of everyone else.

But, for me, that is love. I make no apologies for who I am and how I raise my children, because I am not afraid.