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I made an appointment to see the doctor because it was time for my yearly physical and because I am so unbelievably tired I just knew I had mono.  Yuck.  I felt like I could sleep for a year, and I still do.

After two hours, I find out that no, I do not have mono.  Instead I have a fetus.  A six week old fetus.  I just had a baby four months ago!

I am too shocked to be upset, or cry.  Instead all I can do is laugh, shake my head and wonder when the aliens are going to beam me up, because I am obviously living in the Twilight Zone.

To dream.

I am planning on going back to school for what seems like the tenth time now.  For awhile I have been completely uncertain as to what motivates me...what gets me excited.  I think I have finally figured it out.  I am going to get into web design with an emphasis on photography.  Lord knows, looking at my blog page, that I don't seem to have a knack for anything in design but I really do.  I just have lacked the adequate time since chasing after two kids under two.  When I blogged at livejournal, I did my own designs, and although they weren't the most professional looking things, I was fairly pleased with what I accomplished from having known nothing.

I am excited to try this, and I am even more excited to work toward getting my dream camera, as I would really like to have my own small photography business.  I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out!

Taking a cat nap...

Literally.

Is it flu season already?

At Delaney's four-month well-baby checkup, it was recommended that my family get the flu shot, as Delaney is yet too young to receive one.  Now, when it comes to standard vaccines, I am all for it.  I do not believe they cause Autism, and they serve a wonderful purpose of protecting us from serious and deadly diseases.  I find it hard to tolerate those who do not vaccinate their children, as their presence invites weakness and instability to a working system.

I do, however, find exceptions to the standard regime as it has grown from my childhood.  I will not vaccinate my children against chickenpox.  I have had the pox twice, and shingles twice as well (including on my wedding day).  To me, there is no guarantee with chickenpox, and I think children should come across it naturally.  I sure did.  Not remembering that I had it as a baby, when my brother contracted it I wanted it soooooo bad because I didn't want to go to school.  My mom continuously banished me to the outdoors, but I won (though now I don't really feel like I won anything at all!), because in the end I got the chickenpox so bad I had a 105 degree fever and pox covering my entire body, including inside my nose, ears and butt.  I have some pretty scars to remind me of the experience.  I didn't die, or come close to dying.  I don't know anyone who has, either, though I am sure there are occurrences.  I think it is something children should experience to strengthen their immune systems naturally.

I honestly believe the same thing for the flu, even though the flu almost killed me as a baby.  It is just something we all need to experience.  In fact, I rarely get the normal kind of sick, the flu sick.  I just don't.  I don't get strep throat, or ear infections and I very very rarely get bronchitis (though one of the three times I had it I developed pneumonia without realizing, three days before traveling overseas).  I get allergy colds, and that is pretty much all.  So do I really feel like I need to get a flu shot for my entire family?  I'm not sure.  We all got the flu shot and the H1N1 shot last year as I was pregnant with Delaney and H1N1 was supposedly more dangerous.  Now that H1N1 isn't much of a threat, do I make the decision to get the flu shot?

What do you all think of the flu shot?  Do you get it or not, and why have you made that decision?  I really want to see all sides of the coin on this.

Back in Arizona.

 Photos from the trip to Minnesota for Grandma's funeral.  This park is completely underwater now, less than four days later.  Apparently we left just in time.  The event was even in the national news because the flooding was so sudden and bad that it has reached 100-year historic levels.  Pretty crazy.  We are all extremely tired, but I wanted to share some of my choice photos from the trip.  From the bad and the sad comes the good and the fun.

This is one of my favorites.  Mom and Afton at the top of the slide.

Love that little tongue.

Dad and Afton occupying the handicapped swing.

Delaney is wanting to know why I insist on blinding her with sunlight.

If Mom was standing at this slide right now, she would be completely underwater.

This is my favorite; I am quite proud of my camera and editing ability on this one.

Grandparents and Grandbabies.

After the funeral, at Mom's.

Cousin Caitlin loving on the babies.

Cousin Erica taking a peak at Grandma's youth.

I am large and in charge at the park.

y girl.

Mom and Afton at the bridge in the park.  This bridge is underwater now.

Pretty waterfall.

Now that I am back in Phoenix, I am again missing the cooler weather.  I want some snow.

Photoshop Lane

I thought I would attempt some fun photoshop editing on a photo of Delaney I took earlier in the week.  Here are the before and afters:

 

I am not certain I am happy with the results, but I am using a new version of photoshop and playing with features I had never touched before.  I suppose all things take practice, though, so I will chronicle my progress.  

Just for my own pleasure though, I do have to say that Delaney needs no touching up to be super adorable, she's perfect!

Back in ACTION.

I exchanged my camera for the same one, and it works now.  Yippee!
So here are a few photos, all of which I put through some fun photoshop actions just for giggles.

Afton doing what I like to call her "emo" pose.  She is so very dramatic.

This is the same photo done in two different ways.  Delaney in the midst of rolling over.  I think I like the first shop the best.

Today will be another day of cleaning and putting things away while trying to keep my sanity in the midst of wrangling two children under two!  Someone kill me now?

New funsies.

I bought a new camera yesterday.  A simple little point 'n shoot FujiFilm JV100.  It's tiny and convenient, especially when toting two children under two.  I tinkered with it a little bit in my spare time yesterday, between unpacking boxes and attempting to find the kitchen under piles of miscellaneous things.

I think there was a slight macro effect in this photo.  Pseudo, anyway.  Either that, or I'm in denial of how large a melon Afton's head is.  Just like her silver dollar eyes.


And then of course, there is me.  Mine is photoshopped a bit, just to enhance the colors since I obviously took the photo in a bathroom.  I like the clarity of the photo, it's superior to my old Kodak by a long shot, har har har.

But, to make life exciting/annoying, about one hour into playtime, my camera's flash decided to short out.  Great.  It even smelled like burning.  So I pulled the plug (battery and SDHC card) and packed it away, to return it sometime today for a new one.  I can't wait for more playtime, but I need some suggestions on Photoshop, because I currently run 7.0 and I believe there are better versions available?  I need something super user friendly, because I like to play, and I don't have years to figure out how to create certain effects.  Unless there are tutorials available?  Maybe I need to start an internet search.

Growing up is easy.

Afton looks just like me in this photo. I will have to get my hands on the one I am thinking of and scan it onto my computer. The dress Afton is wearing belonged to either Aunt Karen or Aunt Mary, Dad's sisters. It is a super cute dress; clothes had a much finer quality back then I believe.





Delaney at 3 1/2mo. She is quite the squiggle monster, and as big of a funny-face maker as Afton and I are. Three-of-a-kind us girls are.

See? Afton at 3 1/2mo. on Easter 2009. They look so different yet so the same for sisters. I can't wait for them to develop into the little people that will one day develop into the big people. Makes me wish I was a kid again. No worries at all, except when the food was going to be in my belly.

Little Things.

We bought this little red chair at Ikea for Afton, so that she could have her own special place to sit. The very first day she managed to repeatedly smash her toes into oblivion while trying to move the chair from one spot to another. She cried so much we had to put her bed. The next day was more of the same. It was hilariously sad, actually, because I tried to get her to understand that when your toes are under the leg of the chair, you shouldn't push down harder on the chair to free yourself. It's very counter-productive.
But since we subscribed to Netflix once more, my computer has seemingly become hostage to the TV.

What does this have to do with a little red chair? Well, I'm currently sitting on said chair, and my ass hurts something fierce and my legs are going numb, because my computer is virus to the TV host and I have no choice but to sit on the little red chair to use my computer.
I better have buns of steel from all this torture.

In other news, I made the most delicious chai-spiced sugar cookies. They are soft and moist and addictive. I made about 30 cookies a couple hours ago, and presently there are only two left. Yum yum chop.
Other than sabotaging my diet desires, I've taken to swimming in the evening, and bringing Afton along since her water wingy things seem to allow her a lot of freedom in the pool. So much freedom, in fact, that I greatly enjoy throwing her through the air to crash into the water. Very amusing.I am going to take this spatula and pry my ass off this tiny chair, so that I may go read and hopefully sleep, because tomorrow is going to be a big day, I can feel it!

Floating.

Lately I haven't wanted to use the pool because I can never just relax and swim. On a few occasions Rudy and I brought Delaney and got her wet, with only minor success, usually resulting in me having to take her home while Rudy and Afton continue swimming.

Last night I had the opportunity to take just Afton along, and after discovering she finally fit into one of her Coast Guard Approved life-vest floaty things, I was able to let her jump in without worrying about her instantly drowning.

Oh how nice it was to be able to swim unrestricted.

There was another father with his son in the pool as well, the boy being probably five years old. Afton became quite enamored with him and would not stop staring or saying Hi repeatedly. It was so cute, because after awhile, the boy came swimming up to Afton and they played with the ball he had in the water.

Of course when I went home and told Rudy about the little boy, he freaked out and said it was high time to go buy that shotgun.

Men and their little girls, so hilarious.

One Year.

One year ago today my husband and I started that faithful journey known as marriage. And what a year it has been indeed. We went skydiving and then discovered I was pregnant with baby #2. Rudy started college and I started work and then we suddenly decided it was time for a change, again. So we packed up everything and moved from Minnesota to Arizona where we now live today, with two daughters, two cats, and hopefully no scorpions.

I get jealous when I read about my friends going on expensive, special trips for their anniversaries because we can't even afford to go buy more butter so I could bake a cake. No cake for us. I sit here in my pajamas at nearly two in the afternoon and wonder how this annoying pink spot showed up on the duvet cover, while simultaneously telling my daughter to stop shrieking at the top of her lungs. Happy Anniversary indeed!

Rudy is in the clubhouse studying, and while I'll consider finally throwing myself under some hot water, I may first put Afton to bed and look for some music to inspire me into doing something other than nothing.

It is my anniversary, after all.

Confusing the Story.

I get annoyed sometimes. Especially when times are tough. Mostly, I get annoyed at people who try to tell me stories of how someone else survived and I can do it too! For example, my recruiter told me that another consultant lost her job in January, her husband's in February, AND they have 5 kids ranging in age from 15 to 1. But she stepped up her game and was able to support the family on her sales alone. Wow. If she can do it, I can too, right?

What she fails to see, or understand, is that we are not the same. They have older kids, and had older jobs. I am fairly certain they grossed more than 19,000 a year, combined. I don't even think Rudy and I make that much combined. They are people with houses and savings accounts, stocks, bonds, CDs and IRAs. They are people who have something to fall back on because they had the means to save in the first place. When you make as little as we do, there is no saving because there isn't anything to save. Every penny goes to rent and bills and food and diapers. If there is anything leftover, which rarely happens, we usually get something for Afton, like a toy, or a book. Or we go buy some lightbulbs, because everybody needs lightbulbs.

What I'm saying is, just because someone else had no job and had kids, doesn't mean we're the same story. We're not. We have nothing. Any little mishap could break us. Our windshield could break us. Because we are not the same story. And no one even bothers to consider what a story truly is. My story isn't done, but it feels like it, certainly.

If it wasn't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

I am not afraid/I am afraid.

We collect books that tell us what to do because we don't know what to do. We ask our mothers, our grandmothers and our friends what to do because we don't know what to do. And every single source says something different, so what are we supposed to do?

I am not afraid. As infants, my children slept on their stomachs, in my bed, under the covers. I know SIDS exists and is a reality for some, but I am not afraid. I don't strip the crib bare, I don't use humidifiers, de-humidifiers or vaporizers because someone else thinks it may decrease the chance of my children dying of SIDS by 1%. They sleep on their stomachs because that is what's comfortable to them. For me, that is love.

I am not afraid. I feed my children early because they have hearty appetites that aren't quenched simply by milk. I fed Afton peanuts and eggs and seafood before she was even one years old, because I believe if someone is going to be allergic, they will be allergic regardless of when you introduce the food. I also believe that early introduction of different foods has expanded Afton's palette and allows her to not be as picky as other children. She eats everything. Even spicy foods. I feed them because I am not afraid, and because I was fed early and the only things I'm allergic to are pollen and dander. For me, that is love.

I am not afraid. I let my children pick toys up from the ground and put them in their mouths. Same with food. I don't rub every surface with antibacterial products, and I don't slather myself and my children with it either because I am not afraid. I do wash my hands and their hands in regular soap, and I bathe them when they are dirty, but I let them get dirty because to me, it's what they should do. For me, that is love.

I am afraid. I am afraid that if I yell at my children too loudly, or even at all in public, someone may report me as a child abuser. I don't tell people that I stopped breastfeeding at six weeks because I don't want to see the eyes that say I didn't try hard enough as a mother and I don't talk about using whiskey on my teething children because I don't want someone thinking I'm an alcoholic child abuser. I keep everything to myself because people are uptight and afraid of everything, because they want to protect their children from everything and I want to expose them to everything. I keep it all to myself because I am afraid of everyone else.

But, for me, that is love. I make no apologies for who I am and how I raise my children, because I am not afraid.

Bake me Baked.

When I worked on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, I would often have customers who partook in various drugs such as cocaine and marijuana. One of my more...gypsy-like customers would peddle his weed brownies and cookies. They were delicious, soft and chewy, and they left you with an unbelievable high. Well, not for me, it was too much and I would sleep for like...16 hours straight.

There is a point to this, somewhere.

Rudy and I started watching Weeds the other day and Rudy became so inspired he now wants to start his own bakery filled with deliciously psychedelic goodies. The key to all of it would be the butter, of course, which is quite an endeavor to make properly. Then I would do all the baking, since I am a master baker and can make almost anything imaginable. After that the samples would be passed out, to get people hooked on the goods, and next thing you know, we're millionaire drug lords!

That's why it only happens on TV. It's a nice thought though, and would be even better if it was legal!

Born on the 4th of July

Meet the newest additions to our expanding family! We rescued these two little guys from a wiener shack on the very southern edge of Gilbert off Williams Field Road, approaching cattle country. In reality, we were lost trying to locate an apartment complex and ended up at a gas station where we noticed a sign for free kittens. In jest, Rudy asked if I wanted to go see the kitties, which I of course replied "Duh" and off we went.

The next thing I knew, Rudy had three kittens in his hands which landed on the passenger seat of the car. I looked them over and Rudy decided he didn't want a certain kitten while I clutched the other two to keep them from crawling under the seats. He came back out from behind the wiener shack and to my surprise he said we would take the other two! So we started for home and giggled about such a silly adventure. Saving strays from a wiener shack. How odd it sounds. Even odder was our quest for names.

I'm the kind of person who enjoys randomly weird names. I wanted to name my cat Chuck, regardless of whether or not it was a girl. Then I relayed the story of how Salem got his name, which gave birth to the names Stiffy and Cooter. After that we thought of patriotic names, since we saved them on the 4th of July, after all. I was still stuck on Chuck at that point. It really is an awesome name for a cat. Once home we started browsing online for interesting cat names such as Lolcat (how do you even say that?), Fluffling, and Dammit. I really liked Dammit. After that I told Rudy he should name his cat Fizz, and he said to name myself Fizz (no you!), and finally I giggled and said he should stop being such a Fizzle. We both broke out in laughter at the Family Guy reference, and Rudy told me there was no way I could name my cat Fizzle.

Guess what? I named her Fizzle. Oh, at this point I should let you know that both cats are female. Poor Rudy, he can't even rescue a male cat. He's doomed to be surrounded by females.

Rudy hasn't yet named his kitty, and we've had very many politically incorrect conversations about what to call her. In the meantime, the kitties are getting acquainted with being strangled by Afton and where it is appropriate to poop. They are fun to watch play, and I cannot wait for them to start really warming up to us!

Tough Times.

Oh how I long to have internet back at home. Our economic climate is a wee bit on the dismal side, and so now, with neither Rudy or I working, we are constantly struggling just to buy food. I never thought I would see a day where finding food would become an issue. I've lived without television and internet before (though I of course went through withdrawal like a drug addict!), but that was minor in comparison, especially when considering we have two children to feed.

Right now, with Rudy in school, we are mostly living off what little extra federal aid he can muster, as well as whatever we may borrow from family and friends. It is definitely no way to live. Stress has us yelling at each other all the time, as opposed to finding constructive solutions to our problems.

I just sit back, sometimes, and picture my babies in my head to try to remember who I'm struggling to be better for. I want them to have the world (when they earn it!), without having to worry if my lights will still be on when I get home.

I am sure there will be many hard decisions coming up fairly quickly, but I believe in the power of our family to survive, because alone I overcame hardship, and with family I can overcome anything.

Forever and a Day.

Ok! I cannot believe it has been so long, but that's what happens when you don't have internet at home and are far too busy to cart your computer somewhere else in order to update.

Or maybe I'm just a little lazy. Or maybe it's all of the above.

Delaney Virginia Gomez was born on May 13th at 10:20am via repeat c-section. I was totally scared to death of the spinal because my emergency c-section with Afton was traumatic to me. It took the resident five failures before the attending took over and managed a mostly successful spinal. Now, three weeks later, my back is in distress.
Delaney doesn't really look like me, or Rudy yet, but she does have some similarities to Afton, at least in the nose and ear area. She's been a great sleeper, usually going 3-4 hours between feedings, and she's a hungry girl! I keep having to supplement with formula to make up the lack in breastmilk. As long as I can get in a good six to eight weeks of breastfeeding, I will be happy.

Now, if somehow I can get my hormones under control, I will be great. I hate post-pardum depression. Hate hate hate it.

Yikes, it's been a long time.

I can't believe it's been over one month now since the last time I posted on here. It just doesn't seem even remotely possible. And now, with a mere...9 days left before Delaney arrives, I feel so insanely overwhelmed I can barely function!

Or maybe it's simply because I've morphed into a planet with my own gravitational pull?

Delaney will be delivered via C-Section on the 13th, should she not decide to ruffle things up sooner. Secretly (well, not so secretly anymore) I hope things progress faster as my blood pressure has now jumped and I'm having so many contractions I could kill with my eyes. Stupid hormones making me all crazy. I need a vacation from my body already, and my life, that would be grand.

The crib has been reassembled and all my old sheets are on it again. Still looks cute, of course, though I do wish for newer supplies every now and again. It's been a very tough time with the gas issue and then Rudy's job tanking terribly. We've been living on next to nothing and it's scary when you're trying to prep for another person to take care of. I desperately try not to think about it, but when you can't sleep for all the other pains in the world, it's almost impossible keeping it from the forefront of my mind. Ugh.

You gotta to do whatcha gotta do, whatcha gotta do.